My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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