It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dear god my vagina.
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