I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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