Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
