I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
