Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
