i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
