Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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