Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
