no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
