i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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