We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
