So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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