just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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