I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
