why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize