my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
