bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
