Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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