I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
