Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
