we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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