I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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