I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
