just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
