i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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