Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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