Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
