last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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