i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
