My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i drank out of a bidet.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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