apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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