it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
is wine microwaveable?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
it's like heaven, but drunker
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
