Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
