Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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