you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
