i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
