I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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