I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
