apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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