U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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