I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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