the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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