we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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