dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
