She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
