i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
