so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
