Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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