Did you just see the Batmobile???
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We have started to decorate penises.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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