I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Randomize
