i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
