Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
