Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
