I want to walk on stilts...naked
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It was like giving head to a cactus.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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