Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
