After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
