I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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