What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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