Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
