And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
