It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
