i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
