is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
