Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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