Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
