Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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