This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
