is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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