Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
