so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
