I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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