I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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