yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
