Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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